Coming of Age.

What exactly is "coming of age"?

I asked myself this question at the beginning of the semester, and I'm still pondering the answer. I still think about this very often and I still can not find a definitive answer.

My beliefs, however, still hold true. I still think that coming of age is different for every person. And I still believe that you won't really be aware of your coming of age while it is happening, you'll have to reflect on the process to realize that it has happened.

This class has shown me a lot about the coming of age process. Finding yourself is a large part of it, but not only finding yourself. Coming of age also has to do with being comfortable with yourself and finding your place in the world.

Many of the novels we read for the class were narrated by an older version of the main character. They were reflecting on their coming of age processes and showing us parts of their lives that were important in this process. This supports my belief that you'll have to reflect on it to realize that it has happened. I found it really interesting to see which moments in their lives they thought were significant in the coming of age process, especially with a lot of them being non-conventional "coming of age moments".

Overall this class has been really helpful in helping me understand a little bit more what coming of age means and what can affect it. I hope others found it as interesting and thought-provoking as I did.

Night Club

Towards the end of the novel Sag Harbor we see a really great moment for Ben(ji).
He is trying to get into this night club for a concert. Normally, underage people aren't allowed into the club but somehow Benji and his friend get through security and into the concert. This is a turning point for Benji because he becomes immersed in crowd and the music.

This is one of the first times in the novel where we see Benji completely happy and comfortable with himself. He feels this amazing sense of community and acceptance and it's a really good addition to the novel.

This is kind of an important time for Benji, especially in the coming of age process. As Ben reflects on this moment you can tell it was a very defining experience for him. He finally feels accepted as a person in his community, which is what he was striving for a lot in the beginning of the book.

I half expected there to be a huge conflict as he tried to get into the club. Like the bouncer would stop him and he would get in a bunch of trouble or something like that. But he just slides right through security and to me it was somewhat anti-climactic. But I think it adds to the build up of the ending moment in the chapter.

I think we all have experiences like this in our lives and I think the way Whitehead portrays that with Benji was really great and I really enjoyed reading it.

The Undiscussed

Once again, I am still caught up on a book we finished a while ago. Black Swan Green struck a chord with me. There were so many events that I could relate to including divorce, trying to fit in, and bullying.

I have experienced bullying before. I have been bullied, I have seen bullying, but I have never seen bullying as it is portraying in BSG. 

Much of the bullying I've seen or experienced is on a smaller scale. In the novel though, the bullying that takes place is much worse than anything I have witnessed.
Our society now is much more driven to eradicate bullying. We drill into everyone's head from a very young age that bullying is bad and we should not do it. This definitely does not stop bullying from happening whatsoever but I think it helps in some ways.
Another reason why bullying is usually on a smaller scale now is because we have a lot of online bullying that takes place. Online bullying is a serious issue in our society. It's so easy for people to hide behind a computer screen and say things they might never say to someone's face.

Like I said before, I have also been bullied. I've been called ugly, annoying, someone once told me and my best friend that she was going to "make our lives a living hell". Although I have gotten past this personally and try not to let it affect me, I can still empathize with people who are being bullied. Because of my experience, I try to watch what I say to others in fear that I might hurt them and I also try to stop people from saying things to others as well.

I think many people who have been bullied could relate to Jason in this novel as he is bullied many many times. I am one of the people who can relate to him a lot, through bullying and honestly through so much more in this novel. The relatable aspect of Black Swan Green made this one of my favorite novels in the class, ranking up there with Catcher in the Rye. 
I really enjoyed reading it and I think more people should be exposed to Mitchell's works. 

First Impressions

First impressions are an important thing. They determine how a lot of relationships will end up. If you have a good first impression it's more likely to have the outcome of a good relationship. And let me just tell you, Black Swan Green has had a great first impression. 

First of all, the narrative voice is great. I love Jason as a narrator. He reminds me of Holden in a lot of ways (relatable, pretty chill). I really liked Holden as a narrator, so the similarities I see between him and Jason make me really excited to read more. 

Another thing I love about this book is Julia (Jason's sister). She is literally such a great character and I relate to her a lot. Especially in the dinner scene in the chapter "Relatives". When her uncle was bashing her for not wanting to go to a school of his choice, I RELATE. Most of my family is the exact same way and I can't even express how much I can relate to Julia in this scene.

Overall I'm very excited to read more of Black Swan Green. It seems like a book I'm really going to like. 

Let's Reflect

Many times I have expressed my ideas on coming of age. I believe coming of age is when you find yourself, when you finally find the true you. A lot of the time we won't know that we've come of age until we actually reflect on our life and think "hey, this was a big milestone in my life that helped me find myself" (or at least some version of that, everyone's realizations are probably different). I think this is very much what Housekeeping is representing, a reflection on one's life.

Housekeeping seems to be told from the point of view of future Ruth. As one reflects on their life, they tend to remember important events or moments that effected them in some meaningful way. In this book I think that is exactly what is being depicted. Future Ruth is showing us milestones in her life that shaped her as a person. With each moment, we see Ruth begin to realize who she is or who she wants to be. We watch as important people come and go in her life and change her in some way.

The most important person in this process (at least I think so) is Sylvie. Ruth is someone who tends to follow others, tries to be like them, and Sylvie is a prime example of that. Sylvie leads Ruth through many stages in her life, and she helps Ruth find herself and figure out who she wants to be.

And I think in some ways the situation worked the other way around too. Ruth changed Sylvie's life significantly as well. Someone mentioned in class "this is the first thing Sylvie has tried to keep ahold of" (in reference to Sylvie's relationship with Ruth). Sylvie tries to be a more responsible person in someways (like when she attempts to clean things and such) and I think that is an important thing to think about while reading the book.

This novel is truly a coming of age novel, someone reflecting on their life and showing us their coming of age experience through moments in their life that were influential to them as a person.

The Bell Jar

Bell jar

noun

1. 1.

   a bell-shaped glass cover used for covering delicate objects or used in a laboratory, typically for enclosing samples.
2. 2.

   an environment in which someone is protected or cut off from the outside world.

 

When I first read the part of the book where Esther says she feels like she is in a bell jar I was confused. I had no idea what a bell jar was. But when I finally looked it up I understood completely what she was trying to say. 

Esther in The Bell Jar suffers from depression. This is quite obvious since she has thoughts of committing suicide so often, and is eventually checked into a mental asylum. If someone were trapped in a bell jar, they would feel suffocated, trapped in a world they don't want to be in. Although I myself have not expirenced severe depression like she has, I know what she is going through.

My mother suffers from depression. I have expirenced first hand what that is like (although of course I have not gone through it myself). When I was younger she tried to take her life. Thankfully she did not succeed at this. I think in that point in my mother's life she realized what she would be missing out on if she actually did taker her life.

Damn, my blog has become some kind of freakin' confessional for all my personal stuff.

At the end of the novel, I think Esther begins to realize what she would be missing if she wasn't around anymore, kind of like my mom. I might be reading too much into it but I'm not really sure. I think that Esther also begins to realize that she has a lot ahead of her. 

I understand how Esther is feeling and I feel like this made me appreciate her even more as a character. 

"I don't really know"

"What do you have in mind after you graduate?"

Whenever someone asks me this question, I never know what to say. There are so many ideas floating around my head about what I could do, what I'm "interested" in, but I'm not really ready to commit to any of these ideas. But at the same time, I'm feeling a lot of pressure from others that I need to know what I'm gonna do in college, or what I should be doing in college. "You should become a nurse, or a vet, or lawyer". Even though I'm interested in none of these things, my relatives have been telling me that's what I should be when I grow up.

When you're young people ask you what you want to be. And you normally reply with something you think is cool, without thinking about the issues of college and money (I mean as a child, you don't even know about these things yet). But when you're actually grown up and you have to think about these things, people just tell you want you should be doing. They don't ask you what you want to be doing.

When reading this portion of The Bell Jar, when Esther is talking about college, I was really happy because someone was actually saying exactly how I felt about college. Her mother keeps telling her she should take dictation from a successful man, or do some other menial. When someone finally asks her what she wants to do instead of just telling her, she has no real response. She's not really sure anymore. And that probably scares her, because I know that feeling scares me. Because of this I feel like I can relate to Esther. I feel justified now in answering people's questions with "I don't really know."

Final thoughts on The Catcher in the Rye

Even though we are SO far into The Bell Jar, Catcher is still on my mind. I love Catcher in the Rye a lot. It's probably one of the best books I've read in a really long time. I felt a strong connection with this book, because I feel like I can relate to Holden in a way. The thing that stuck me the most about Holden was his relationship with Allie. It was super hard for Holden to let Allie go, and I know how he feels.

About a year and a half ago my aunt Jane passed away. She was my favorite person and I miss her every single day. She had a brain tumor and she went pretty quickly, by the end I guess it was for the better. But sometimes I still ask myself why it had to be her. She was such a giving person, always volunteering and giving her time to help others, her and my uncle never fought once throughout their entire marriage, and she loved her job and her friends and family so much. She had a great life and so I sometimes wonder why it had to be taken away so soon. I feel like Holden has these thoughts as well which is why I liked his character so much.

I'm not saying that I spiraled into depression like Holden did, but I felt a lot of sorrow for a very long time. I understand what he is going through and I have also seen the same thing happen to others. This is why I feel like I can relate to Holden. His feelings struck a chord within me. I have a new emotional connection to this book and I am so happy that we got to read it for this class.

Poetry in motion

In the novel A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, we see Stephen Dedalus wanting to be an artist. He wants to write poetry and be different (or even superior) than his peers. The first time we see him write poetry was when he was a younger boy. He sits down, writes a perfect precise heading for his poem, and then... He write the poem how he thinks it should be written. He doesn't really write from the heart at all, he tries to fufill this preconceived  notion of what poetry should be instead of what it actually is. I think this is kind of odd since Stephen at this point is trying to be different than the other people his age (for example when he is at the party and sits in a corner instead of actually socializing). 

As Stephen goes on throughout the novel, he begins to come of age and tries to find himself while struggling with wether he should be the artist he wants to be, or follow the church (which is what his family and friends are basically pressuring him to do). 

Later in the novel he has a vision and with this he decides to be an artist. He passes out and when he wakes up he writes a poem. I'm sure he has written more poetry between the first poem he wrote at the beginning of the novel and this one. Although we didn't see any of that other poetry I'm pretty sure this poem was the first one that was truly an authentic poem. The poem he wrote was very real, he didn't try to force this poem out, he didn't try to fit in with this preconceived notion of poetry he had prior to this. 

I think this moment in the novel is the real coming of age moment. He really delves  deep into himself and finds this poem. He really tries to write it himself rather than trying to write something he thinks he should be writing. This is an important point in the novel and I think that this is Stephen truly becoming a real artist, the moment I've been waiting for throughout the whole book. 

Coming of Age?

What exactly is "coming of age"?

Believe it or not, I think about this quite often. But no matter how hard I think about it though, no matter how long I spend trying to answer this question, I can never seem to find a real answer.

In my eyes, I'm not gonna know the answer for a really long time because:
1) Coming of age tends to be different for everyone.
2) I'm not gonna know that it happened when it happens.

My perception of coming of age tends to be when one "finds" oneself. Personally, I don't know if I've found myself yet.. I don't know if the person I am right now is going to be the same person in 5 years, or 10 years, or even a week.
Coming of age really isn't a single moment... It's more of a process. It's gradual and this is why I don't think anyone is going to know exactly when it happens.

I'm never gonna know when I've truly found myself until I'm much older. I think you truly know when coming of age happens when you look back and reflect on your life. Then, you might be able to pin point a time period where you truly came of age. But until then, I think it would be really hard to know when it happens.

When I'm older I will reflect back on this blog post, if this blog even exists then, and I will remember to reflect on my life.

To my future self: I hope you've enjoyed your life thus far and I hope there is much more to come.