The Bell Jar

Bell jar

noun

1. 1.

   a bell-shaped glass cover used for covering delicate objects or used in a laboratory, typically for enclosing samples.
2. 2.

   an environment in which someone is protected or cut off from the outside world.

 

When I first read the part of the book where Esther says she feels like she is in a bell jar I was confused. I had no idea what a bell jar was. But when I finally looked it up I understood completely what she was trying to say. 

Esther in The Bell Jar suffers from depression. This is quite obvious since she has thoughts of committing suicide so often, and is eventually checked into a mental asylum. If someone were trapped in a bell jar, they would feel suffocated, trapped in a world they don't want to be in. Although I myself have not expirenced severe depression like she has, I know what she is going through.

My mother suffers from depression. I have expirenced first hand what that is like (although of course I have not gone through it myself). When I was younger she tried to take her life. Thankfully she did not succeed at this. I think in that point in my mother's life she realized what she would be missing out on if she actually did taker her life.

Damn, my blog has become some kind of freakin' confessional for all my personal stuff.

At the end of the novel, I think Esther begins to realize what she would be missing if she wasn't around anymore, kind of like my mom. I might be reading too much into it but I'm not really sure. I think that Esther also begins to realize that she has a lot ahead of her. 

I understand how Esther is feeling and I feel like this made me appreciate her even more as a character. 

"I don't really know"

"What do you have in mind after you graduate?"

Whenever someone asks me this question, I never know what to say. There are so many ideas floating around my head about what I could do, what I'm "interested" in, but I'm not really ready to commit to any of these ideas. But at the same time, I'm feeling a lot of pressure from others that I need to know what I'm gonna do in college, or what I should be doing in college. "You should become a nurse, or a vet, or lawyer". Even though I'm interested in none of these things, my relatives have been telling me that's what I should be when I grow up.

When you're young people ask you what you want to be. And you normally reply with something you think is cool, without thinking about the issues of college and money (I mean as a child, you don't even know about these things yet). But when you're actually grown up and you have to think about these things, people just tell you want you should be doing. They don't ask you what you want to be doing.

When reading this portion of The Bell Jar, when Esther is talking about college, I was really happy because someone was actually saying exactly how I felt about college. Her mother keeps telling her she should take dictation from a successful man, or do some other menial. When someone finally asks her what she wants to do instead of just telling her, she has no real response. She's not really sure anymore. And that probably scares her, because I know that feeling scares me. Because of this I feel like I can relate to Esther. I feel justified now in answering people's questions with "I don't really know."

Final thoughts on The Catcher in the Rye

Even though we are SO far into The Bell Jar, Catcher is still on my mind. I love Catcher in the Rye a lot. It's probably one of the best books I've read in a really long time. I felt a strong connection with this book, because I feel like I can relate to Holden in a way. The thing that stuck me the most about Holden was his relationship with Allie. It was super hard for Holden to let Allie go, and I know how he feels.

About a year and a half ago my aunt Jane passed away. She was my favorite person and I miss her every single day. She had a brain tumor and she went pretty quickly, by the end I guess it was for the better. But sometimes I still ask myself why it had to be her. She was such a giving person, always volunteering and giving her time to help others, her and my uncle never fought once throughout their entire marriage, and she loved her job and her friends and family so much. She had a great life and so I sometimes wonder why it had to be taken away so soon. I feel like Holden has these thoughts as well which is why I liked his character so much.

I'm not saying that I spiraled into depression like Holden did, but I felt a lot of sorrow for a very long time. I understand what he is going through and I have also seen the same thing happen to others. This is why I feel like I can relate to Holden. His feelings struck a chord within me. I have a new emotional connection to this book and I am so happy that we got to read it for this class.